He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
