i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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