my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
