I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
