false alarm. still invincible.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
