Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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