she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
