been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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