My liver just broke up with me...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She's the barista slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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