i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
