Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
