Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
