you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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