I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
