yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Two words: blizzard sex
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
