Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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