She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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