Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
