We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
