So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
