he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
