I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
