I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize