woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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