How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
did i just pee glitter
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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