Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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