I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
They are going to name an STD after you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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