fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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