dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
