I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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