We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
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If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
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Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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