when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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