i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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