Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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