And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
