Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
