I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
