well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
