haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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