We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize