You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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