Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
