Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
