it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
