I just saw a hot homeless man
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
