I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
