we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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