how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
