People in love make me want to vomit
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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