i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
