ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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