i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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