Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people