He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
