Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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