remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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