Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize