I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
