No awkward lesbian experiences without me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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