Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.