haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just had sex bonerless
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
