i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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