Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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