Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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