life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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