when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late