i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away