he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif