So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.