I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...