Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.