oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"