Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
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I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
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the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me