Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream